<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/19329074?origin\x3dhttp://jas-midori-tea.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Sometimes, the truth just hurts.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

sux sux sux.. depression..


damn.. nothin's been goin my way.. been late for work recently.. be it one min 5 mins or 10 mins.. today i got late for around 30 mins or more la.. bcos of e stupid jam.. shld hav taken e mrt.. further more i broke a nail form my thumb on my left hand.. my fav hand la.. zzz y not right hand instead.. i've nv broken a nail b4 la.. at most chipped onli.. and it's lyk such a bloody big peice.. practically e whole thing came off.. den.. aiya.. dono la.. juz feel so friggin messed up.. lyk no single thing is goin my way..

it's lyk.. not even e slightest good thing happen to me.. problems starts to stirr in my family.. my bro's lyk a total outsider now.. e impression tat i get is he don care.. not e least bit.. all he cares about is he's wife and he's wife's family.. den my mum and dad.. think e gap between us is gettin bigger.. and e fact tat my parents dote on my bro so much tat wadeva happens to him matters a TON.. and me? hah! not at all.. if both me and my bro is down wit fever.. dey wont care about me.. at most "hu ask u.. always blah blah blah.. do this do tat den now fall sick... serves u right.." tat's wad dey'll say la.. e blah blah blah part is hwere and stupid and irrevelant reasons can come in.. dey wont even bother to ask me to go see a doc.. nor cook some food tat is easily edible by "fever patients"(porridge or macaroni) my bro.. "aiyo.. y sick.. got go see doc ma? faster go see doc.." yaya.. typical rite..

i still rmb last yr.. i rmb it FREAKIN clearly.. startin of last yr sec 4.. e 1st week of sch reopens.. from sunday onwards until wed i was down wit a bad fever.. even when my parents knew.. dey didn care.. not at all.. "serves u rite" ya.. tat's wad dey said.. e first few days was onli fever and a veri bad sore throat.. think wit headache as well.. shalini could tell smthn was wrong la.. she told me to go to a doc.. but back den i wasnt workin.. i don hav e money to go to a doc myself.. i nid to get from my parents.. but dey wouldnt care more.. in e end from rues onwards i started to lose my voice..(i still attend sch tat few days W/O fail..) den wed i totali lost my voice.. i was smsin marco on and off.. so he noe's about it.. in e end MARCO(thanks bud) was e one hu lends me money to go to e doc near my house.. he even came all e way dwn to sbw la.. near my house der.. den e doc say my condition quite serious le.. den ask me y didn come earlier.. haiz.. at 1st i even rejected her mc.. cos i noe pretty well tat my parents would be friggin mad if i didnt go to sch.. REGARDLESS of e fact tat i'm so bloody damn sick..

tat 5 days mym mum continue cookin rice.. and if u hav any common sense u would noe tat feverish ppl don reali hav appetite for rice.. and as expected i didn eat much.. everyday less den a quarter of e bowl of rice.. and when i went for e height and weight test in sch durin P.E. lesson(tues) for tat week.. i dropped from my original weight of 48kg to 45kg... ya lost 3kg.. in juz 3 days.. pathetic.. e day when i went to e doc.. both my parents was at home (afternoon) dey saw e medicine tat i was carryin in my hand.. i walked str. to my room ignorin the looks on their face.. heard my mum whisperin to dad "where did she get e money to a doc.." dad:"how i noe.. ask her la" i got fed up and suprisinly i manage to croak "my fren saw me in my PATHETIC state and PITY me so he LENDED me money to e DOC cos he FEELS tat my condition is BLOODY bad.. tat he CANT stand it in seein me in this PATHETIC STATE anymore.." and i slammed e door.. think tat was when my dad feel embarass by e fact tat others noe tat dey didn care much bout me.. den he came in and pass me e money askin me to return to my fren..

*sigh* even dey don care.. y do i y shld i.. been thinkin alot.. guess i had to walk this lonely path of sucky life all alone.. cant find anyone to talk to.. cant find anyone to listen.. cant find anyone to show concern or love either.. sucks la.. someone up der reali hates me alot.. wtf did i do to upset him so much tat he's doin this to me la.. .think i'm goin into a depression soon. ya i'm still luffin i'm still smiling.. hav u ever heard of a fake smile or laughter? ya tat's exactly wad i'm doin.. this freakin hell sux la.. big time.. now i noe y some ppl commit suicide.. seriously i guess nearly everyone would wanna lay asleep forever den to feel all this dumb feelins.. it's onli e matter of courage.. i admit.. i don hav tat kinda courage to jump of a buildin.. yes.. i do think of sucidal thoughts.. but i don hav e courage for it.. not now.. mayb not ever.. but seriously i'm gonna go crazy... dem depress now.. fck la.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.. its seriously unfair.. seriously..

this 2 years reali sucked.. for e things tat happened, e ppl tat i've met and alot alot more.. when willl all this end.. or will it goes on lyk a never nedin story.. till e day i reali rest in peace..guess will be e day i lay down wit my eyes closed.. dead

depression over-ruled midori-tea.



LOVE JAS. 00:35